Better in Time

Hmm. Wondering what's with the title again?
You'll find out later. Just go ahead and read.
---
Hmm, I haven't posted anything for eight days, coz' finaaaaaallllyyyyyy I'm back to schooooool~!
So yea, I'm on my new routine, going to school early. They we're teasing me if that was the effect of the accident that happened; but the truth is, it's my New Year's Resolution.
And it was the first time I had one. LOLOL.
Well, after the accident happened; I think too much of random things and I easily get a headache.
I think that's the real effect of it.
---
So yesterday, January 23, 2009;
- It was my Mom's birthday :] I was the first one to greet her :p
- We had a field trip in UCLA, it was fun fun fun.
.. I felt crying while we we're on the bus. I just remembered something.
Something happened on June 3, 2008.
Curious what it ist? Go read my OLD posts, and find the blog entry that has June 3 in it. XDD

.. So yeah the day went on, we had fun, I was in Halo-Halo team with John and Jham. We won the most spirited Team award and we also won the Four Corners game together with team Lumpia.
.. Carson High won high the Most Spirited School award. Yii, C-House~!!
---
Today, January 24, 2009;
- Saturday School in Cal-State.
- A "merienda-date" with my Mom in Mcdo (just to make it up to her for our canceled date on Jan. 12)
.. I was looking around, I stared at our spot. I stared, and thought as if I was watching myself during those days. I really am happy those days.
.. We saw my "so-called-dad/so-called-husband-of-Jham" Dean. It was actually nice to see him again.
.. We walked home, then I went to sleep.
- I woke up, watched some vids that was taken yesterday and ended up listening to Better in Time by Leona Lewis.
.. Theeeeeeeeeere you gooooo, that ends up the wondering. lol.
---
If I'll put some of the lines from the song just like what I did in my previous posts, this blog entry could end up with the whole lyrics of the song.
Yeah, that's how much this song affects me right now.
Sh*t, tinamaan ako. Sapul ba?
LoL I realized I just started listening to Leona Lewis because of the Bleeding Love song; the song that basically became the kilig song even though it's really a song for the broken.
Theeeeen, I became a fan after hearing "Yesterday" and "Better in Time."
Realizing that I CAN ACTUALLY RELATE TO IT.
---
One thing that's bothering me was something I read in Friendster bulletin a while ago. I'm not sure though if it's her or him. The post says that it's him, but as for the attitude it's telling me that IT IS her.
---
I talked to one of my good friends and reminded me that I have my present, the one who's trying to fill up everything.
Man, I'm actually lost for words; whether to say it in Tagalog or English. I just can't explain it.
Okay okay, I'm thinking not to post this blog entry na. :)) It's becoming one whole crappy thing.
I'm actually stucked with the song, kasi nga tinatamaan ako.
Okay enough of this, really this crap is getting annoying. :))
I felt crying earlier and just thought to type anything to stop the feeling.
Chaa~ I don't wanna stop typing, I know what will happen after this.
---

♪~It's gonna hurt when it heals too~♪
♪~It'll all get better in time~♪
♪~And even though I really love you~♪
♪~I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to~♪
- Leona Lewis

---
_pishbolera
.. crappy post. -____- I was filled up with thoughts (at least better than this one) the past week in school, but I didn't get the chance to post it here. You know, making up for my 1week absent. -___-
.. putragis, ano ba meron sa'yo?! taena. -________-

Lesson Learned ... ?

I'm on my random thinking again.
It's 12:06am and obviously, I'm still awake.
I was told by several people to sleep early, but yet I disobeyed them, again. LOLOL.

I just finished watching some video clips from eketc's channel in Youtube.
I was trying to store this one dance routine in my head, and I think it's becoming more of a headache. o.O

Well as my youtubing continues, I clicked this video that has a title of "Urban Legends: Mari Martin" it was one good dance, sort of' difficult though. So yeah I watched it and the song caught me.
I couldn't catch up on listening for the lyrics so I just looked up on the comments and saw the title of the song.
It was called "Lesson Learned" by Alicia Keys.

I listened to it as I read the lyrics.
I was devoured by the lyrics.
The music stopped then I played it again, then I went to my Friendster account.

As I listen to the song over and over, (it's actually still playing up to now)
I read some of the messages I sent him.
The messages that he still haven't read yet.
I sent it to an account I made and will hopefully give to him one day.

I felt silly as I read the messages, knowing the fact that he doesn't even know anything about it.
Not even a single clue.
I felt stupid as I listen to the song. Lesson Learned.

Haven't I still got the lesson? It's been six months.. Cold six months. It's actually close to seven.
Six months, and still.. It breaks my heart.

♪ ~ Mistake overturned so I called it a lesson learned ~ ♪
♪~ My soul has retuned so I call it a lesson learned ~ ♪
- Alicia Keys

And still, I believe I haven't learned the lesson yet.
There are still missing pieces.

---
But it's funny how I never regretted for it.
To love someone you're not supposed to.
To change yourself completely for that someone.
To just keep holding on when you're suppose to let go.
To keep on loving until it hurts--regardless of the fact that you feel helpless and hopeless.
I will never have any regrets for it. Never.

"Love until it hurts, that's the real meaning of sacrifice."
- Fr. Demi Bugayong

---
Well it takes time; just like my loving cousin always told me. Love you couz' :]
_pishbolera

♪~ Nasa aking guniguni malamig mong tinig ~♪
♪~ Kasabay ng hangin na dumarampi ~♪
♪~ Na para bang ika'y nariyan sa aking paligid ~♪
♪~ Tahimik na nagmamasid ~♪
- SpongeCola

Gerard Anthony Morales Matel.
radz:3
i miss you.

a response.

hm, I usually don't do this with my own blog.. But it's for you anyway so... yea. :p
---
I finished reading your blog two hours ago but I'm still thinking about it.
Well I remember everything, or at least everything that has me in it. LOL.
I also remembered everything that you posted about him.
I knooow, I knooooow. YOU ARE happy with him. I have seen that from the very start.
I actually giggled a bit on his attitude that I've seen based on what you typed on your blog.
I'd admit, I thought some of it was really cute.
Maybe I was just a little.. or REALLY worried about you.
I probably wouldn't tell here why, coz' I know you already know.
---
Well I wanted to say sorry for what happened earlier, I guess I have overreacted a little bit again.
I just wanted to say what was on my mind, I don't want anything to linger again. There's too much of anything else to think about, and I'm not letting our arguments be an addition to it.
---
About your blog, LOL, I smile a bit whenever I see my name! LOLOLOLOLOLOL. Am I that special? HAHAHA
Hmm, and about your most recent post.. Here's what I have to say..

I always stay for those people who wants me to.
But don't just tell me you want me to stay.
Show it.
Words are not enough, it could never be enough.
Tell me you want me to stay but showing me the opposite thing; that sounds pretty bizarre, don't you think?
Remember that words and action sounds the loudest, always.

---

I don't know why I care this much to her that I dont wanna lose her, even tho she'd hurt me more than once. I just dont wanna lose her. That's all.
- from your most recent post

I care for you more than you could ever imagine.
I don't wanna lose you either.
You did hurt me more than once, I just never showed it.
---
You see, I've never been this protective to any of my closest friends; you're the first one to experience this from me. One big bad luck, isn't it?
Maybe it was time that changed me or it's just.. I think of unnecessary things too much.
Our arguments might be as simple as that, like what I did earlier. I don't wanna get used to it.

I don't wanna get used to the arguments coz' I know (I just know it) that the next thing could happen is
our friendship putting on to waste.
Don't believe me? Let's give it a try then. :p

I'll just spill the things I wanna say then just clear up the conversation window then give a laugh emoticon and start a new topic.
That's how I ended it earlier right?
* Okay this part here is getting a little confusing. cut~
---.
The thought of talking to him formally and knowing him more came up to my interest while reading your blog. Hey hey hey, don't get too excited, I don't even know when or how. Just the thought of talking to him deeply about you and him makes me wanna cry. You know how much disappointment I felt about you and THE past.
And you also know that I'm still aware that someone in silence is still hurting, that person just don't wanna show it. And I still do care for her, even though you're much more important to me.
Only time could tell when and how things will work.
---

Jessel Jam Ibañez
Jham
Jhang
Nay
BetBay
My bestfriend.

Just what I said, seeing my name on your blog made me smile, I hope this one made you smile too :p
---
Hmm, so yea, I think that's it. Just what I have said before, "words can never be enough" and I don't wanna sound TOO "corny" on this response. I'm not used to it, saying things like this publicly to my best friend.

I will stay as long as you want me to. Just don't make any drastic changes, it drives me crazy.

---
i love you BetBay :p (what a weird name we have for each other)
i love you newest Bestfriend. :)
---
off topic: I was watching Bulagaan earlier and heard this "spell bobo, spell boWboW" from Vic Sotto (I think?)
I just remembered a video clip that was made by some classmates on our Geometry class last Spring Semester '08. That someone special was on it. Hehe. Yes, it was him, Gerard.. radz.
---
Tata for now~ I'm actually should be sleeping right now but I wanted to get this done before I go to sleep.
^________^

_pishbolera
.. LOL this blog is getting MORE revealing than before, I used to put WHITE fonts on it (same with the background color) but now I'm not. LOL. Didn't notice it? Go read everything again. Haha. LOLOLOLOL

Serein

Hmm, weird title isn't it?
Well okay, I'll do the best way to explain how I came up with this title.

I watched some Mr. Bean (animated) clips from YouTube. *rofls* Oh how I missed watching it.
Well I've seen this episode again titled In the Woods; where Mr. Bean tried to take pictures of these wild animals.
At the last parts of the video, the clip focused on foxes. Well the clip reminded me of how cute foxes are (especially the arctic ones) so I did some research about foxes. XD

Well I typed "Fox" on Wikipedia, I read the article, and later on I saw this Kitsune link. (Japanese Word for Fox.)
I clicked it for two reasons:

1. Because it's a Japanese word.
2. Because it reminded me of an item in Ragnarok Online. And you guys know how I'm addicted to the said online game. -.-

So yeah, I read it and found it very interesting; how it was associated with stories, magical abilities, with some religion and stuffs. It was also said here that a Kitsune is often portrayed as lovers, with the usual happenings that it involves with a young human male and a Kitsune who takes the form of a young woman.

One part in the article really caught my interest because I've heard of it before:

Other stories tell of kitsune marrying one another. Rain falling from a clear sky — a sunshower — is sometimes called kitsune no yomeiri or the kitsune's wedding, in reference to a folktale describing a wedding ceremony between the creatures being held during such conditions.

A lot of people with the same age as I am probably heard of this before.
Well so yeah, I clicked the sunshower link and saw this word:

Serein - is the word for a rain falling from a cloudless sky.

The word itself and the definition lingered on my thoughts. I knew it has something that applies with me or with other people.

I haven't heard of the said word before so I typed it on dictionary.com and clicked the other link that relates to it.

se - rein [suh-ran]
–noun Meteorology. fine rain falling after sunset from a sky in which no clouds are visible.
- A mist, or very fine rain, which sometimes falls from a clear sky a few moments after sunset. --Tyndall.

and the meaning from the link I clicked (wordsmith.org):

noun: Fine rain falling from an apparently cloudless sky, typically observed after sunset.

Now that I've finally gave you the meaning of my blog title, it's probably obvious what kind of mood I am having now.
Yes pishbolera is back on the so called emote mode/emo mode.
Gee, I guess that accident made my thinking of unnecessary things even worse.

Okay. Back on discussing people.

How did I see it as an application to myself and to other people?
You know how we choose to cry (oh man not this again) whenever we know there's no one can see us?
.. Or how we choose to cry silently so no one could hear us?
.. Or how we choose to cry the finest way that people can't even notice our tears?
You know how we fake a smile so people won't see that pain is actually killing us inside?

People usually cry after sunset.
People usually tend to look fine so they could avoid questions from other people.

.. Hmm didn't get my point? Go read the definition again.
---
I found this on wordsmith.org under the definition of the word serein. I just thought it has the same interpretation to what I have just said.

A THOUGHT FOR TODAY:

Journalism is publishing what someone doesn't want us to know, the rest is propaganda.
-Horacio Verbitsky, journalist (b. 1942)

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See this blog entry packed with exaggeration? I'd apologize for that.
I just want to share how I see the similarities of crying to the word serein.
---
_pishbolera
ok ok. back to rest~

awww. ouch.

hm. I didn't go to school. again.
My neck and head still hurts.
I slept at 1am and woke up at 5am, nauna pa ko nagising sa alarm clock ko.
I can't get up easily, and my head hurts, so I decided not to go to school; my mom agreed.
Hmm, I tried getting back to sleep again but man, I can't sleep.
My mom turned off the lights, I turned it back again after feeling the dizziness without the lights.
I felt crying for a moment.
----
Hmm. 7am, I got tired of trying to sleep and just sat, staring at the wall.
I checked on my laptop, lots of them left a message.
I talked to one of my friends in Pinas. It was Gideon. Gidz, my first love.
Well we talked about my condition and told me that I should get my check-up immediately.
I told him I don't want to coz' I'm scared what they will find out and what they might do to me. o.O
He scolded me and said:

" Kesa naman mamatay ka. ungas. "

----
Hmm, shortly after that, I had my breakfast with Mom.
Then I went back to sleep.
My mom is about to go out and help Tita Cory with some stuffs.
While I was in sleep, I suddenly felt that somebody was staring at me.
I moved and saw my mom staring at me.
LOL, I knew she was checking if I'm still breathing.
Well, can't blame her, this is one serious accident.
----
3:35pm, I woke up. I continued reading my older posts in this blog.
I missed the late nights after reading my post about watching TV during 1am-6am while drinking coffee or tea.
I miss Conan O' Brien.
hmm, what else?
I realized I'm much of a different person. I can't even recognize myself typing those blog entries (the older ones)
Man, what happened? o.O
----
_ pishbolera; yay! back on blogging again!

first day of school for 2009.

man, I was a little excited going to school today.
I woke up early, it felt WEIRD.
I usually go to school a little LATE. :))
hm. yeah, first period; PE.
We saw Mr. Sakurai carrying the stuffs for football; I heard complains everywhere,
I even heard myself complaining about it.
I don't wanna get sweaty today, man, not now. -.-
---
ok, weird ulit. nag-eenglish na naman ako, TAE.
ok so ayun, ayun nga naglalaro, saya nung una ako nakakuha nung ball, tapos lahat ng teammates ko binantayan ako :))
kaso ayun, nakuha pa rin flag ko. rawr.
hmm. basta ayun, naglalaro naman ako ng maayos.
basta biglang..
nung ittry ko sana saluhin ung bola, biglang this BIG guy appeared in front of me o.O
di niya ata ako napansin sa likod niya, eh ayun na out of balance siya, so natumba xa; NADAGANAN AKO, AT NATUMBA AKO SA GROUND.
omg. FIRST TIME ko matumba ng SOLID sa ground. -.-
ang sakit tae, basta bigla ko nalang narinig may teacher (Mr. Mason and Ms. Hernandez) na sa tabi ko, I was still lying on the ground, can't get up, eyes closed, feeling dizzy.
ayun, some reality questions just to check if I really am okay o.O
I got up, but still, my head hurts.
I really still didn't want to get up, but tss, I don't wanna make a big scenario right there.
- oh yeah, after I told them that I'm alright, my classmates applauded. LOL. -.-
Ayun pinaupo muna ko sa bench; Ms. Hernandez told me that someone will pick me up and they will bring me to the Nurse's Office.
She asked my locker number and she said that her T.A. will get my stuffs and give it to the office.
Then ayun, dumating na yung golf car, ako daw unang isasakay dun ngayong 2009, TAE.
Dinala ako sa Nurse's Office.
Basta ayun, tinawag si Mama, at etoh, pinauwi ako.
oh yeah, I was also diagnosed with fever. o.O
----
I felt a little sad, I really wanna go to school today.
Hmm, okay back to rest.
My head and neck hurts.
And I feel like my ears and nose are about to bleed. -.-
----
hmm, first day of school, first accident of the year.

oh well, another year.

hm. year 2009 has just begun. XDD
it's 2:24 in the morning, and of course it's normal to see PISHBOLERA still awake at this kind of time.

hm. let's see. i'm taking a "little sip" [well AM i SURE?!] of something that would help me fall asleep.
jusme friends, I still didn't get any sleep for the past 34hours. (and still counting. rawr)
and why?! because i was planning to UPDATE all of my freakin' stuffs; friendster pictures, this blog, etc.
but hey, I almost finished uploading pictures in my Friendster account :p
hm, but I didn't even get my blog half done. omg.

i just typed this to pour in the exact mood i am having right now in this blog entry.
coz you see, if i do the "flashback" thingy again it'll lose the "real thrill" out of it.
and it sucks.
but yea, im'ma continue the flashbacks thingy just to fill up the space within the past eight months.
heck. eight months.

so yeah. it's new year.
so what about it?! how did i celebrate it?
here in CA, it's not that much fun unlike the way we Filipinos celebrate it in our homeland.
it's pretty.. hm.. lame.

well, I had a different way of celebrating New Year this time unlike the way I celebrated it last year.
last year was so full of drama, err, homesick.
but now, hm, i guess much better. i was freakin' loooud. o.O
but yes, i have to admit, the past few days .. nights? err.. late nights.. we're pretty full of dramas.

i'm back on losing my appetite again.
and it's because of HIM.
i can't sleep normally.
and it's because of HIM.
i was crying the past few late nights.
and it's because of HIM.
it really hurts in the most painful way.
and it's because of HIM.
yet, I'm smiling right now,
and still, it's because of HIM.
i was with him in this one online game. yes. until 12mn.
i was with him when 2009 began.
i greeted him and he greeted me. it was still somehow a little bit awkward. well, it takes time.
i gave him the /kis2 and /kis emoticons. hehe :]

err. you were just with him in an online game, big deal?! get over it.
LOL. my "present" didn't even called nor texted to greet me a happy new year.
so what can you expect? :p

---
okay. i'm feeling pretty weird with my talking.
why am i typing english? LOL?
sooo, another year.
i'm really looking forward to the "continuation" of the unfinished chapters of OUR love story.
lols.
i realized that i had a lot of changes.
hehe.