mouth is shut, mind is screaming.

I've been quiet nowadays, but I can't help but let my mind scream.

Yesterday was a downfall.
I had another argument with Mom. As usual, it was same problem.
I was trying to hold back every tear yesterday, then when they decided to go out to buy something, as soon as they closed the door.. I stopped doing my homework and began to cry.
I cried silently for a moment. Then I washed my face with cold water, just like someone told me to do after done crying.

It felt hopeless yesterday; it was the first time that I felt I've got no one left to run to.
No one but God.

I slept early, though I cried a little before getting into a deep sleep.
I learned something new, to cry silently.
I've always been a crybaby all my life. It could still change, I hope.
---
I felt weak today. But I did not let what happened to interfere with my performance inside the classroom. But my Biology teacher noticed something is wrong.

---
It's funny how they say how brave I am to some sort of things, but I have to tell you..
I really am afraid of everything.
Now, I'm afraid of meeting new people again.
I'm afraid to have this kind of feeling again.
---

"It's hard to find precious gems in places like this."
No one left, but God.
No more. No more.

_pishbolera.
.. from attachments to detachments.

attachments. hurts when it's time to let go.

I'm keeping everything to my self from now on.
I'd better stop expecting.
It just hurts everyday, and feels like nothing's there.
To everyone,
I'd keep everything as part of the business.
Just business, not making anything important out of it.

I remember keeping the tears a week ago.
It's sad to think that there's no more -------
Maybe Mom is right, it's hard to find precious gems in a place like this.

Business would be business.
I don't wanna get attached any more. It hurts when you know they want to get rid of you.
No more. No more attachments, just business.

" When you are weak, I will be strong
Helping you to carry on
Call on me, I will be there
Don't be afraid
Please believe me when I say
Count on..."
- I remember hearing this song from the TV; 2/22/09.

"For good times and bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
That's what ......"
- a song of a true ......

As those songs slowly fades away~
No more.

_pishbolera.

pictures.

The memorable pictures.
The ones I always wanted to look at.
It will always make me smile a little; yet will always give me a pinch of heartache.
I won't regret looking at it, never.
As much as I have never regretted for having you once in my life.

The sparkle we once had in our eyes would be the evidence of how many perfect blissful moments we had...
in OUR world.
- a quote popped out from pishbolera's mind.

_pishbolera

changes.

Last night, I dreamed of looking at OUR friendship rings.

As I stare at it on the palm of my hand, the ring started to melt in some way and the word "BEST" started to peel off slowly from it.

I hope that was just a plain dream.

Coz' you see, dreams sometimes make you foresee the future.

_pishbolera

magical.

-blog title inspired by Ms. Vernon-

hm.

You still make me smile in your most effortless and natural way.
Every sound you make, every move you make.
I just don't know, I can't explain it.
Everything seems magical with you.

Is there a hidden meaning for the last conversations we had?

_pishbolera
.. as the tranquil mind fades away~