colontres.

How nice is it to think that I got over it?
Have I?

I don't.. really.. know.
But, I am happy.
At least, not miserable.

one year [cont.]

ramdam ko ang bawat pangigilid ng luha sa mata ko.

hay. okay naman yun araw, masaya ung college class.
pero after non, syempre pag' ako nalang mag-isa, dun ako nag-iisip ng malalim.
isa na rin sigurong dahilan yan kung bakit nagpapakapatay ako sa school works.
gusto ko ng maraming ginagawa, kahit stressful na minsan.
basta, ayoko na masyado mag-isip.
masyado lang akong nalulungkot.

hay. one year, one year.
ang bilis ng araw.
parang kailan lang.
isang taon na pala simula ng nangyari yun.

hay.
wala na ko masabi.

Sana. Sana, hawak ko ang panahon.

_pishbolera

one year.

actually mamaya pa.
hehe.

hay.
masakit sa tyan [feeling ko bumabaliktad bituka ko sa sakit]
masakit sa puso.

hay.
one year.

isang taon na ang itinatagal ng pagmamahal na toh.

hanggang kailan?
hindi ko alam.

pero alam ko kasalanan.
alam ko.

magalit ka na.
wala akong magagawa dyan, wala din akong magawa sa sarili ko e. LOL. -_-

bumaliktad lalo ang sikmura ko ng makita ko ang post sa bulletin board sa friendster.
mamaya nalang ulit.

susubukan ko munang matulog.

now playing:

"para sa'yo lamang ang puso kong ito. magpakailan pa man. asahan mo~"
- Freestyle

_pishbolera.

...

To know that you feel the same as I do
Is a three-fold Utopian dream
You do something to me, that I can't explain.

Everything I did the past few days is considered a sin.
Days? Weeks? No maybe months.
Not only to one person, but there's two of them.
Or maybe not just two.

I realized I never let go. Never did, never knew when.

I always find myself, reminiscing and crying.

It's foolish. I know.
I'm sorry to whoever might read this bunch of crap.

Would I be out of line if I say I miss you?
No. I miss you too.
- June 20, 2008.

Can't calm down.

Whew.
Okay, I just can't calm down.

One, because tomorrow's my interview for the Academic Decathlon.
Two, we have a quiz on Algebra tomorrow.
And you know how I always get nervous on Math quizzes and stuff.
And three, because I can't help not to smile because of what happened later after school. :)

I got the chance to walk with him.
But we really didn't talk that much.
He's with a friend and I'm with a friend. Soo..~

So yeah.
I'm nervous for tomorrow.
I can hear my tummy growling because of anxiety.
Whew.~
Good luck Good luck Good luck~

_pishbolera
the tranquil mind has faded completely.
and it's because of you.

pictures.

The memorable pictures.
The ones I always wanted to look at.
It will always make me smile a little; yet will always give me a pinch of heartache.
I won't regret looking at it, never.
As much as I have never regretted for having you once in my life.

The sparkle we once had in our eyes would be the evidence of how many perfect blissful moments we had...
in OUR world.
- a quote popped out from pishbolera's mind.

_pishbolera

magical.

-blog title inspired by Ms. Vernon-

hm.

You still make me smile in your most effortless and natural way.
Every sound you make, every move you make.
I just don't know, I can't explain it.
Everything seems magical with you.

Is there a hidden meaning for the last conversations we had?

_pishbolera
.. as the tranquil mind fades away~

Lesson Learned ... ?

I'm on my random thinking again.
It's 12:06am and obviously, I'm still awake.
I was told by several people to sleep early, but yet I disobeyed them, again. LOLOL.

I just finished watching some video clips from eketc's channel in Youtube.
I was trying to store this one dance routine in my head, and I think it's becoming more of a headache. o.O

Well as my youtubing continues, I clicked this video that has a title of "Urban Legends: Mari Martin" it was one good dance, sort of' difficult though. So yeah I watched it and the song caught me.
I couldn't catch up on listening for the lyrics so I just looked up on the comments and saw the title of the song.
It was called "Lesson Learned" by Alicia Keys.

I listened to it as I read the lyrics.
I was devoured by the lyrics.
The music stopped then I played it again, then I went to my Friendster account.

As I listen to the song over and over, (it's actually still playing up to now)
I read some of the messages I sent him.
The messages that he still haven't read yet.
I sent it to an account I made and will hopefully give to him one day.

I felt silly as I read the messages, knowing the fact that he doesn't even know anything about it.
Not even a single clue.
I felt stupid as I listen to the song. Lesson Learned.

Haven't I still got the lesson? It's been six months.. Cold six months. It's actually close to seven.
Six months, and still.. It breaks my heart.

♪ ~ Mistake overturned so I called it a lesson learned ~ ♪
♪~ My soul has retuned so I call it a lesson learned ~ ♪
- Alicia Keys

And still, I believe I haven't learned the lesson yet.
There are still missing pieces.

---
But it's funny how I never regretted for it.
To love someone you're not supposed to.
To change yourself completely for that someone.
To just keep holding on when you're suppose to let go.
To keep on loving until it hurts--regardless of the fact that you feel helpless and hopeless.
I will never have any regrets for it. Never.

"Love until it hurts, that's the real meaning of sacrifice."
- Fr. Demi Bugayong

---
Well it takes time; just like my loving cousin always told me. Love you couz' :]
_pishbolera

♪~ Nasa aking guniguni malamig mong tinig ~♪
♪~ Kasabay ng hangin na dumarampi ~♪
♪~ Na para bang ika'y nariyan sa aking paligid ~♪
♪~ Tahimik na nagmamasid ~♪
- SpongeCola

Gerard Anthony Morales Matel.
radz:3
i miss you.

May 21 - May 30 (flashbacks)

May 21, 2008
- sa geom. jusme. hindi rin namin take ang nangyari sa amin. kaloka.
.. ayun sa likod ko pa rin kasi xa umupo nung geom time namin.
.. ako naman tong si gaga, tinanong xa kung gusto nya magusap after ng geom.
.. ayun after ng geom. hindi naman alam kung san kami pupunta.
- naglakad lang kami ng naglakad. naka backpack pa ako at xa eh binder nalang ang dala niya.

xa: " palit tayo ng dala "
aq: " di na.. aios lang ako. magaan lang toh. "

.. at ayun. naglakad kami muli.
.. edi ayun. usap usap. ang baaaagggaaaal namin maglakad. sobra.
.. nagulat nalang kami sa likod may nagsalita: "MAY PATAY BA SA HARAP NYO? ANG BAGAL NYO MAGLAKAD!"
.. jusme. ang kuya ni jham --.v TITO KO!! :))
.. then ayun. natawa kami pareho. at etoh ang nakakatuwa. tumigil siya at sinabing:

" hindi ako aalis dito hangga't di tayo nagpapalit ng dala dala "

.. wahoho. :D
- then ayun. napunta kami sa carson park. dun ulit. sa spot.
- hm. tanong q pa non kung naalala niya pa spot namin. sagot nya:

"gusto mo takbuhin ko na e"

.. niyakap ko xa at naiyak ako sa dibdib niya.

" wag ka ng umiyak.. please? .. PLEASE? "

.. at may sinabi xa na HINDI ko kakalimutan.

wag, wag ka titigil sa pagmamahal" ... hangga't nabubuhay pa ko; malay mo, isang araw pag ayos na ang lahat, kakatok ako sa pintuan nyo, LILIGAWAN KITA. "

.. ayun. naupo na naman kami dun sa spot na yun at nagkwentuhan.
.. may sinabi siya na sobrang natawa talaga ko. kahit ngayon, natatawa pa rin ako. =))

xa: *in a serious tone* "may itatanong ako sa'yo. seryoso toh ha. seryoso talaga. NUNG UNA MO KONG NAKITA, NAMACHOHAN KA BA SA AKIN? "
aq: * tawa tawa tawa tawa *
xa: *in a serious tone pa rin* "mukha ba kong nagbibiro?!"

.. katuwa.
- but then, biglang may gumulantang sa amin.
.. SH*T. nakita ko nalang, dumarating si mama & dad.
.. and what's more worst?! NAKITA KAMI MAGKAYAKAP.

xa: *napapikit* "badshot. nakita ako nakayakap sa'yo.."

- then ayun, nagpakilala. at napadpad dito sa bahay. mom ko? syempre galit.
.. tapos nung dalawa nalang kami ulit ni :3 sa sala.. nakita niya talaga na naiiyak na ko.

xa: *shakes head* "wag ka iiyak. i love you so much."

.. before siya umuwi, nagkaroon pa ng deal na dapat sa darating na Friday, makilala na parents niya. pag daw hindi nakilala, wala na. tapos na kami.
- ayun. pagkauwi niya, kinausap pa ko. sa mga sinabi ni mama ako naiyak.
- nang nagkachat kami. sinabi niya talaga sa akin na nangangatog xa.
.. at ayun. ang napag-usapan namin eh papalabasin na tapos na kami. Para daw paglipas naman ng time, at maayos na lahat ng prob, at yung sa situation niya.. Parents naman daw ang aayusin namin.
- Damn. if it wasn't for THAT problem. Okay na sana. The said meeting on Friday would be one of my biggest highlights in life.
- Hindi ako makapag AGREE sa decision niya. Umaasa pa rin ako na magmeet yung parents. And at least masabi niya sa mom niya yung situation. And hopefully, maintindihan ng mom niya.
.. ayan. natapos ang araw namin na ittry na iexplain yung situation niya/namin sa mom niya.

(22) - wala. hindi kami nagusap sa school & sa YM.
- nung nag aantay kami kay Ms. G for health class. nahuli ko xang nakatingin sa akin. andun kami nito kay Bob the tree. hehe.
(23) - at ang galing talaga ng ulan. sa Pilipinas pa to' nangyayari eh. *PAG MALUNGKOT AKO, UMUULAN*
.. ayun ang sarap magpaulan. --.v
- grabe. naiyak na talaga ko sa harap ng barkada. at ayun, ganado tumakbo ng tumakbo sa track.
.. feeling ko ang trashtalker ko ng araw na toh. puro mura ata nasabi ko ng araw na toh.
- sa geom din, alam ni Marian na patawa tawa lang ako at pabiro-biro pero alam niya na sobrang nasasaktan ako.
- pagdating dito sa bahay. andito si Dad. pero siguro alam na hindi tuloy yung "meeting"
.. so ayun. patay malisya nalang din xa.
.. pero ako? hindi nttapos ung pag-asa ko non hangga't di pa lumulubog yung araw.
- then ayun. may nabasa akong message galing sa kanya.
.. wala na. GOODBYE na nga.
- pagdating ni Mama ng bahay, sinabi niya sa akin na nakasakay niya sa bus si :3
.. togsh --.v
- nagplano na aalis sa 26. wala kasing pasok. pupunta daw kami ng Aquarium of The Pacific.
.. pinakita sa akin ni mama yung tickets, jusme ang dami. tas sinabi niya na pwede kami pumunta dun ulit next time kasama FRIENDS KO
.. tae nung narinig ko yun, nalungkot ako bigla. GUSTO KO SIYA KASAMA. pogsh.
- nung gabi; ayun naicp ko ung name na EKSTRES. togsh --.v
(24) - jusme. nabaliw ako nito. sinimot ko yung 'about me' & 'who i want to meet' section ng profile ko sa friendster --.v
- tae last night xa pa napanaginipan ko. --.
.. di ko na gaano maalala kung alin dun sa mga panaginip ko yung panaginip ko ng gabing toh. ang dami kong panaginip na tungkol sa kanya.
- OL ako sa YM.
.. nag message xa bigla:

" hi "
" ok lang ba mag 'Hi' ? "

.. ayun. ako rin tong si patay malisya sa mga nangyari.
.. then ayun, ang usapan naman namin tungkol lang sa Ragna, at kung anu-ano pang WALANG connect sa mga nangyayari sa amin.
.. tapos ayun, bigla ako may nasabi na connect sa amin. ang TAE KO. ampf. ayun di xa sumagot :))
.. 30mins after, nag message xa ulit. tinatanong lang ung YM id nung isa naming friend.
.. tpos ayun may sinabi na naman ako. at ang sagot niya:

"hindi mo ba nahahalata na pinipilit ko lang sarili ko? pinipili ko lang HINDI masaktan shie.."

" nagkamabutihan tayo sa maling oras "

- at ayun. shyemai. nabalik sa "kulitan"
.. NIALAGANG BAKA. jusme dito nagsimula ung word na un. --.v
- dito din pala niya nalaman yung EKSTRES ( x3 ) name ko. hoho
.. togsh :D
- nakita ko yung vid niya nung nanalo xa sa pandoraRO event.
.. naexcite ako bigla at tinanong kung san ko pede iDL tong pandoraRO --.v
.. at bigla niyang sinabi:

" pag naglaro ka nito, sobrang saya ko!! "

.. boom. --.v